HISTORY - JOKES
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
What was Camelot?
A place where people parked their camels!
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a duck family
A duck family?
Didn't you say there was a quack in it!
How did Vikings communicate?
By norse code!
What is a forum?
Two-um plus two-um!
How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?
With their eyes shut!
Why aren't you doing very well in history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
The Spanish explorers went round the world in a galleon.
How many galleons did they get to the mile!
What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
Floodlights!
What was King Arthur's favourite game?
Knights and crosses!
Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?
At the bottom!
Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!
Wish I had been born 1000 years ago!
Why is that?
Just think of all the history that I wouldn't have to learn!
Did the Native Americans hunt bear!
Not in the winter!
What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy's tomb indicate?
The registration of the car that ran him over!
Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
The second one!
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?
On their feet!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted Mark Antony!
What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans?
Speaking Latin!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So no one could corner him!
Who invented King Arthur's round table?
Sir Circumference!
Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII?
She was trying to get ahead!
What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne?
Sat down!
Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?
Because the poor didn't have anything worth stealing!
Why did Eve want to move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple!
What did the ghost of Queen Elizabeth say as it floated into the terrified woman's bedroom?
Don't worry, I'm just passing through!
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
Toga-ether we can rule the world!
When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat?
He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row!
What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
I don't know, I wasn't invited!
What did they wear at the Boston Tea Party?
T-Shirts!
1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?
2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!
Why did the Romans build straight roads?
So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!
When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
Rust in peace!
What famous chiropodist ruled England?
William the Corn-cutter!
What English King invented the fireplace?
Alfred the grate!
When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight?
When they had lots of sleepless knights!
How did you do in your tests?
I did what George Washington did!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life!
Do you know the 20th President of the United States?
No, we were never introduced!
Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else!
My teacher reminds me of history
She's always repeating herself!
What kinds of tests do they give witches?
Hex-aminations!
What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
Dates!
What do they talk about?
The good old days!
Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince?
Old King Coal!
Where was the Magna Carta signed?
At the bottom!
I'm learning ancient history?
So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times!
What did Noah do for a job?
He was an arkitecht!
Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age?
Pupil: The sausage!
Who was the biggest thief in history?
Atlas, he held up the whole world!
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Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
What was Camelot?
A place where people parked their camels!
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a duck family
A duck family?
Didn't you say there was a quack in it!
How did Vikings communicate?
By norse code!
What is a forum?
Two-um plus two-um!
How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?
With their eyes shut!
Why aren't you doing very well in history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
The Spanish explorers went round the world in a galleon.
How many galleons did they get to the mile!
What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
Floodlights!
What was King Arthur's favourite game?
Knights and crosses!
Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?
At the bottom!
Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!
Wish I had been born 1000 years ago!
Why is that?
Just think of all the history that I wouldn't have to learn!
Did the Native Americans hunt bear!
Not in the winter!
What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy's tomb indicate?
The registration of the car that ran him over!
Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
The second one!
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?
On their feet!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted Mark Antony!
What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans?
Speaking Latin!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So no one could corner him!
Who invented King Arthur's round table?
Sir Circumference!
Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII?
She was trying to get ahead!
What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne?
Sat down!
Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?
Because the poor didn't have anything worth stealing!
Why did Eve want to move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple!
What did the ghost of Queen Elizabeth say as it floated into the terrified woman's bedroom?
Don't worry, I'm just passing through!
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
Toga-ether we can rule the world!
When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat?
He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row!
What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
I don't know, I wasn't invited!
What did they wear at the Boston Tea Party?
T-Shirts!
1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?
2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!
Why did the Romans build straight roads?
So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!
When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
Rust in peace!
What famous chiropodist ruled England?
William the Corn-cutter!
What English King invented the fireplace?
Alfred the grate!
When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight?
When they had lots of sleepless knights!
How did you do in your tests?
I did what George Washington did!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life!
Do you know the 20th President of the United States?
No, we were never introduced!
Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else!
My teacher reminds me of history
She's always repeating herself!
What kinds of tests do they give witches?
Hex-aminations!
What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
Dates!
What do they talk about?
The good old days!
Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince?
Old King Coal!
Where was the Magna Carta signed?
At the bottom!
I'm learning ancient history?
So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times!
What did Noah do for a job?
He was an arkitecht!
Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age?
Pupil: The sausage!
Who was the biggest thief in history?
Atlas, he held up the whole world!
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