MATH - JOKES

Teacher: What's 2 and 2?

Pupil: 4

Teacher: That's good.

Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?

Pupil: That's not fair!

You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!

Teacher: How much is half of 8?

Pupil: Up and down or across?

Teacher: What do you mean?

Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

What kind of food do maths teachers eat?

Square meals!

If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?

None, they were all copycats!

I failed every subject except for algebra.

How did you keep from failing that?

I didn't take algebra!

Teacher: Are you good at math?

Pupil: Yes and no

Teacher: What do you mean?

Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?

Class: At once!

What tables don't you have to learn?

Dinner tables!

1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?

2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!

Teacher, I can't solve this problem.

Any five year old should be able to solve this one.

No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten!

Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?

Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy.

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Patty: Seven!

Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Patty: Seven!

Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?

Patty: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Patty: Seven!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?

Patty: I've already got one rabbit at home now!

Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?

Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Norman.

"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."

"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

- What is 5Q + 5Q?

10 Q.......

You're Welcome!

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HOMEWORK - JOKES

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: Our puppy toilet trained on it

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: My little sister ate it!

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the combination!

Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems?

Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."

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Teacher: What's 2 and 2?

Pupil: 4

Teacher: That's good.

Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?

Pupil: That's not fair!

You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!

Teacher: How much is half of 8?

Pupil: Up and down or across?

Teacher: What do you mean?

Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

What kind of food do maths teachers eat?

Square meals!

If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?

None, they were all copycats!

I failed every subject except for algebra.

How did you keep from failing that?

I didn't take algebra!

Teacher: Are you good at math?

Pupil: Yes and no

Teacher: What do you mean?

Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?

Class: At once!

What tables don't you have to learn?

Dinner tables!

1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?

2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!

Teacher, I can't solve this problem.

Any five year old should be able to solve this one.

No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten!

Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?

Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy.

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Patty: Seven!

Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Patty: Seven!

Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?

Patty: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Patty: Seven!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?

Patty: I've already got one rabbit at home now!

Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?

Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Norman.

"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."

"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

- What is 5Q + 5Q?

10 Q.......

You're Welcome!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HOMEWORK - JOKES

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: Our puppy toilet trained on it

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: My little sister ate it!

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the combination!

Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems?

Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little girl replied, "My homework."

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